March 19, 1999

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This humorous report of a definitive Y2K fix arrived via email from parts unknown. Berkeley Lab does not recommend this approach!

To: All personnel
From: Computer Systems Department
Subject: Y2K

Our staff has completed 18 months of work on-time and on-budget. We have gone through every line of code in every program in every system. We have analyzed all databases, all data files, including backups and historic archives, and modified all data to reflect this change. We are proud to report that we have completed the Y-to-K date change mission and have now implemented all changes to all programs and all data to reflect the new date standards as follows:

Januark, Februark, March, April, Mak, June, Julk, August, September, October, November, December

As well as:

Sundak, Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak, Thursdak, Fridak and Saturdak.

I trust that this is satisfactory, because to be honest none of this Y-to-K date change has made any sense to me. But I understand it is a global problem, and our team is glad to help as usual in any way possible.