February 22, 1999

Berkeley Lab Science Beat

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Some of the day's best-read work is being penned by anonymous wags who distribute their words via email over the Internet grapevine.   Here's one example of the genre currently making the rounds that makes play out of the rapidly evolving language of computers.


LOG ON: Making a wood stove hot

LOG OFF: Don't add no more wood

MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the woodstove

DOWNLOAD: Gittin the farwood off the truck

MEGA HERTZ: When you're not keerfull gittin the farwood

FLOPPY DISC: Whatcha git from trying to tote too much farwood

RAM: That thar thing whut splits the farwood

HARD DRIVE: Gitting home in the winter time

WINDOWS: Whut to shut when it's cold outside

SCREEN: Whut to shut when it's blak fly season

BYTE: Whut dem dang flys do

CHIP: Munchies fer the TV

MICRO CHIP: Whut's in the bottom of the munchie bag

MODEM: Whatcha do to the hay fields

DOT MATRIX: Old Dan Matrix's wife

LAP TOP: Whar the kitty sleeps

KEYBOARD: Whar you hang the dang truck keys

SOFTWARE: Them dang plastic forks and knifes

MOUSE: What eats the grain in the barn

MOUSE PAD: That's hippie talk fer the mouse hole

MAINFRAME: Holds up the barn roof

PORT: Fancy Flatlander wine

ENTER: Northerner talk fer, "C'Mon in y'all"

CLICK: Whut you hear when you cock your gun

DOUBLE CLICK: When the dang gun don't far when you pull the trigger

REBOOT: Whut you have to do right before bedtime when you forgot to use the outhouse.